When we honestly ask which persons in our lives mean the most to us, we often find that it is those who, instead of giving much advice, solutions, or cures, have chosen rather to share our pain and touch our wounds with a gentle and tender hand. The friend who can be silent with us in a moment of despair or confusion, who can stay with us in an hour of grief and bereavement, who can tolerate not-knowing, not-curing, not-healing and face with us the reality of our powerlessness…makes it clear that whatever happens in the external world, being present to each other is what really matters.” – Henri J.M. Nouwen
Time…Time…where does it go? Today ..gone..tomorrow…gone…I feel like it keeps rolling by and I am at a standstill! Where is my life going? Where will i go? What will I do? As I sit here running thoughts through my head I think..Oh gosh Sunday is gone and I have not finished my lectures for today…In my head I always say to myself oh tomorrow I can get it done but I never do!
Years back thinking about all the great people that I have lost…Time seems to disappear and like yesterday I remember the pain and heartache! Thanksgiving/Christmas is a difficult time! My eyes instantly fill with tears and I develop that knot in my throat just when I think about the people that left too soon!!! I can not help to think how different life would be if they were still here! All of life’s accomplishments are not as sweet because they are not here!
I never knew my paternal grandfather, he died way before I arrived and I enjoy hearing stories about him from my mother..I sense she loved him very much because of the way she speaks of him. My grandmother on the other hand lived longer and left in my teen years. I remember her and wish I would have taken more interest in spending time with her! Its funny how the phrase ..”you don’t know what you have until its gone” is so true!!! In my defense when we are young ..no one wants to spend time with the elderly and we think our lives are much more important! I have never been good at expressing my emotions to people! In my family we don’t say I love you too often in fact not at all! I do remember the last time I saw my grandmother, the look in her eyes and I hope she knew that I loved her!
In every family there is one person that everyone goes to! In my family every holiday was at her house! Every family function was not complete if she wasn’t there! She was the life of the family! She was our glue! I miss her most of all! I will always cherish my memories of her! Her cooking..every year she burnt rolls ..never failed! It wasn’t Thanksgiving without the smell of burnt rolls..Hahaha….
So i guess what I am trying to get to is..If you are fortunate have your grandparents with you. ENJOY THEM!!!! I know we grow up and take our own paths but don’t be too busy for your family because at the end of the day they will always love you! I wish I would have taken the time!
So this morning we woke up to a frozen world outside! I have never been the type to express my feelings to a person upfront! I do better with cards, text messages or emails! Maybe that is one of my flaws.. One of many! Like today my brother brought me to work and even if I don’t tell him enough I do love him very much! I am also very proud of all his accomplishments big and small! Got me to thinking about all the the things we never say…..
I did send him a text message and would like to take him to lunch sometime!
Okay …So finally I decided to start a blog. This is my first experience blogging ..so I hope I do this right..hahaha…well my reason to start this journey is to explore my feelings a bit better. Ya know the usual: Life, Love, Growing Up, Work, Family..etc… To express what i feel deep down and I can’t express to people around me, and or random thoughts that come to my mind.